action cycle peak
Colin's Assist Social Capital event was interesting enough. Plenty of people, very open, and some people on the edge of social development. One of the presenters, Adrian, actually had "non-linear learning" as the title of one of his slides. The "action points" that came out of the day were a little weak, mostly general sentiments of positivity, apart from the very concrete invitation by Leigh Brown of Scotland Colleges to conduct an action cycle the following week. Amazingly, it happened, despite terrible rain and floodings in the area of Stirling, and national strikes which meant that one participant couldn't make it.
Amazingly, we achieved two wows during the first hour, and we are very close to completing the third wow, which means our idealistic objective is actually achieved. What did a bunch of strangers agree to do? Listen to this! Produce a video which records "future evidence" of the "Edu", an educational currency transactional within all Scottish educational establishments. Not only is the video made by Iain at Media Education, but a dedicated website, and an appointment with one of the shakers at NESTA. All in a week. Unbelievable, actually.
book launch peak
The book launch went well enough. I spent the entire day on the Thursday before wandering around Edinburgh wondering who might be interested in coming. I went to the university departments of Philosophy and Social Anthropology, a couple of meditation centers, and a few church organisations. Also, laid some flyers at the Bailongo event run by my friend Ricardo. Nevertheless, not one person came whom I didn't know. Not one new person. I had started to think it might be possible to tour the UK, use couch-surfing, and sell enough books to make it sustainable. But I can't see this happening with this lack of turnout.
The event went well enough. I got a little hassled at the start because people feel they want to contribute and guide the direction of the event. It is not their fault, because there is an invitation, and some participants are not aware of how heavy their mind is. Still, I need to sharpen up our act for the next book launch in London. The physical activities were fun, and people's attention attuned towards the end, but I am not sure if the physicalised experience of tango actually connects to WISDOM in the mind's of the participants. However, the objective is to give enough for people to want to read the book. If that objective is met, then the launch works.
I'd like to go into the experience in a little detail, mostly for myself. It was very interesting. I mean, very, interesting. I started with a quote from the I Ching, a book I have only recently got an angle into.
Writing can not express words completely. Words can not express thoughts completely. Are we then unable to see the thoughts of the holy sages?I have often made the distinction between the spoken word and the written word, and it is affirming to see it so clearly described. We are a society that takes the written word as central, logos, the objectified account. This is not the path to wisdom.
So, when starting the book launch, it was interesting to point out the parallel relationships between writing and reading and then the added experience of listening to someone reading the book. It became clear the only authoritative account about the reading of the book was Wendy, something which I found difficult to hold in people's attention for long. I tried to draw attention to the importance of the reader, the listener, the follower, but in doing so, everyone feels a right to contribute. Perhaps I should emphasise the importance of the "first violin" in an orchestra?
Many dynamics occurred throughout the event, so numerous and subtle, I think only a recording could capture them. I'd like to make sure that we start the london gig with a similar sensitivity to written and spoken and thought, move a little quicker through the background of the book, and then approach some really "solid" ground, which is rather contentious, the third extreme on the psycho-social continuum, the space between us.
river of shit valley
The engagement with my estranged brother was... tricky. Despite a deep conversation initiated by Robbie on the Friday night, extensive discussion throughout Saturday ably moderated by Wendy, and the rather revealing event of the WISDOM book launch on Sunday, Ricardo and I ended up on either side of a river of shit on Monday. From an invitation to jax, born out of a simple appreciation of his commentary to a piece of Bartok and then some rather sauve Indian music, I tripped up on the usual: a single no, backed up by the weight of mind. I took Ricardo's further postponement as what has happened in the past, which is a permanent delaying tactic when nothing actually happens, and I am yet again inundated with his heavy-handed projections whenever we engage whether in person or over the net. It makes seeing him rather heavy, and I am reluctant to visit him. This would not be a problem were it for his centrality in the family. His souring has resulted in various relationships souring. I could not bear this happening again, and I allowed the dynamic to escalate into a torrent of abuse.
I was hideously ugly, and pointed out things that he had not seen over the years, and I tried to be as negative as possible, something I find tricky. I did pretty well, though, and eventually I got chucked out of his house. His house is in the middle of nowhere, so he kindly offered to drive me to a nearby village. We sat in the car for a while, the river of shit between us. He kept on asking me what the point of it all was. I had no idea, because in conditions like those, I am merely a passenger, it is just happening, and I must see it through to the end. It can only be broken by the power, the insight, the wisdom of the other. And luckily, something happened, and Ricardo became vulnerable. And for a brief moment we hugged and cried together. I do not know if he was sad for me, or for himself. I was struck with grief for the behaviour I had demonstrated, for the state of our relationship, for the difficulty he has with sharing vulnerability. I cried for us, two intelligent, heart-ful, brothers, who had managed to create such a mess of our communication.
So, something, in that dark valley, across the putrid content of the river of shit, brought us together. Someone had to climb out of the trough we had descended into, and by my going deliberately deeper into it, Ricardo decided to take an opposite direction, out of it.
peak or river, you decide
There is so much shit between us, don't you think? So much reason to distrust, to question one another's motives or perception. We are so divided by systems, by social structures. So many of us are alone. And I am willing to be alone rather than suffer the rather cold embrace of a "friend" or the welcome of an old "colleague". I insist on real engagement, real friendship, real collaboration, or nothing.
I notice that I am attempting to sharpen myself for the happyseaurchin site, and the approach to executives. I am finding myself being more brutal, more unsatisfied with people, situations, tango. I am permitting myself to be very, very edgy. I am honing myself to be very dangerous, as a result. So that I can match the ability and perception that we might expect from self-made executives. They have led a life of decision-making. I need to be able to match that kind of engagement. And as a result, I am only safe with kids and with those who love and forgive me, and those who hold the higher ground through their toughening experience, like Richard Branson. Everyone else better watch out.
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