subjective medicine

Watched a TED talk introducing patientslikeme.com.

Excellent example of subjective input, input by patients themselves, for comparisons to be made. Along the lines of subjective science.

teaching missed opportunity

Watching this series on 4oD about unteachable kids, I just wish I was there! They seem to have only one academic-type teacher, and he specialises in english. Dang, I think I could have taught them algebra!

I remember trying to contact some people in Channel 4 and the BBC while I was in London at the turn of the millennium, when I was going into schools and doing the craziest things with kids. I was crap at finding people -- I still am. It's a pity, because that program could have been more interesting, that teacher could have done with some help, and the kids might have come out better.

It's been a year and a half since I quit teaching. I did love it, at least parts of it. Especially when it went well. Would I go back? Nope, I am too old now, I've been softened too much by buddhism, and my confidence has taken a rather strong beating. You've got to be in prime form to take on the worst behaving kids, and turn them into the best learning experiences for us all. I have shifted, and I am dealing with adults now. It's a different game. It's harder, can you imagine? People hide behind themselves, behind jobs and positions, and cushion themselves with all kinds of niceties. When we talk about environmental disaster, people are not so good at just confronting themselves with the simple fact that it is our behaviour that is resulting in the ecological disorder. And it's not about reducing our waste, etc, but to seriously alter how we live together, how we do business, how we trust one another.

So, if the programs are at all interesting, give me a break. Take part in one of my experiments this year, and then we can judge the results based on exactly that, the results. We need to get out of our heads, where our judgements and current understanding resides, and put ourselves into unfamiliar circumstances, trying new things, and GOD KNOWS we might actually learn something new.

Hmmmm... seems I have conducted the shift. Less chat, more action. Less explanation, more confrontation. Just do it!

Just watched the third episode, and it is clear why it fell apart. The adults didn't engage the kids political structure, tops dogs etc. The head made a huge error: he told three kids he wouldn't make any decisions regarding the kids without their involvement. But then he just chucked two out. No wonder they were confused. And in a group of 15 or so, taking out the top dog or two can make the entire group collapse. Which it did.

So, the experiment was a failure, so what? It was too ambitious, and having cameras there also provoked a lot of interesting dynamics because of the attention. Will something like this be attempted again? For sure, and hopefully they'll be taking more care of the social dynamics.

10^10

Here's a thought-experiment / reality-experience that is mind-blowing. It's practical, and it's idealistic potential is huge.

"I commit to finding ten people by the end of month. I commit to consensus decision at the end of every month. I will pay £10 for this experience."

That's it. Deceptively simple. But the ramifications are considerable. It's to do with the quality of engagement and the level of commitment. Let's take a closer look.

Let's say I find 10 people who are willing to play. That means there are 11 people deciding by consensus what to do with my £10. By the end of the second month, if they each find 10 people, we will have 111 people and a decision by consensus what to do with £100. By march, we have 1111 people and consensus on £1000. By the end of the 10th month we should have 11,111,111,111 people if everyone did this making a decision about £10 billion. How do we write 10 billion? 10^10 -- "ten to the power of ten".

Of course, this is absurd! There aren't even 11 billion people on the planet! And most can not afford £10!

Hold on there... I did say it stretched into idealism -- but just think practically for a moment. I have a month to find 10 people. I will choose individuals in different areas of my life, one from family, one from old friends, one from my entrepreneur circle, one from GO, one from tango, etc. That's all I need to do. I am inviting them to make a decision about my £10. This in effect becomes my team. They have a month to do what I did. Perhaps they don't manage to get their ten, and perhaps another member of the team loans one of their contacts as it were... who knows? The objective is to see how far it goes.

The learning experience is individual. The result is at the collective level. This is what I did with kids and I have been encouraging adults to EXPERIENCE. Once we have experience, then we can build on it. Year upon year. That is, we will try in 2010, and however far we get, we can try again in 2011. Each year we can try the experiment, it's only £10. JUST TRY IT!!!! Who knows? By 2019 we might actually be good at this :)

I've no idea what we could do with the money... depends on how much is generated.

There are two groups which might be interested in it. I will be contacting a few people who I think may be open-minded enough, and dedicated enough to give it a try.

(Check out the google doc form below:)

knew year

Been a tough end to the year, but I have also seen the seed of some deep potentials.

Following on from the last blog, things got worse. I don't want to go into here. People's behaviour have been outrageous. I am still having to deal with the consequences. Other people get hurt and so on. If only we had a little more self-discipline... Because of this, I retracted from things, people, the world, and probably got into depression-land. I am not sure since I have never been. But it was definitely characterised by disappointment, detachment, disengagement, and my mind kept coming up with negative views of people I know. I didn't want to get up. I lived with this for a few days, just letting it happen, to let it work its course. It's like being physically sick - just let it happen, let the body get on with it. In this case, let the mind get on with it. Sure enough, things change. They always do.

I happened to come across Faking It available on 4oD. Superb public resource for anyone interested in change, specifically transformation of identity. I saw a lot in them -- I watched something like 12 shows over two days. I got very emotional, really identified with the participants, and also came up with the following insights in terms of the design:

• transformation of the individual through a group
• it's not so much based on the individual, nor on expertise
• small group aligning to achieve a goal
• target is idealistic, to say the least
• the final experience is evaluated by strangers
• the timing is fixed

This should be reminiscent of the kind of thought-experiments / reality-experiences I have set up, namely 2020worldpeace, as well as most of the dynamcis that have happened in my classes, experiential nights (you know) as well as the elucidation of the confluence model and more recently the action cycles. Instead of talking theoretically to people throughout this year, I should have pointed out this series. I will be using this as evidence of the kind of dynamics I participate in throughout the following year.

If the emphasis is taken away from experts, and the strongest factor acknowledged to be a small group of people and a short period of time, then I think we have a great potential to induce change amoungst ourselves. I met a young woman at the new year's party, and she encouraged me to think of a potential experience she could set for herself. We'll see what comes out of that. The main thrust, however, is that I need to get on with this 2020worldwalk. Which means, keep moving, and engage more people. I have been too long stuck in the same place, and caught in dynamics with pundits, rather than just gathering experience. I did it when I began teaching, and I need to do gather direct experience of people.

This is my last year wrt 2020worldpeace. Wow. This is the last year for this potential. It's not about deadlines, or stress. It's about excitement and lifelines. We'll see how many people I meet this year who are willing to play. I have created a card set of invitations for people to participate in various forms of social art, and I've ordered some Moo stickers to try to help people remember to get in contact if we just bump into one another. All I need to do is finish this last Small Book Big Think booklet, and its thought-experiment companion.

This blog is meant to be a record of events, and I would like to stick to this for the whole year. Anybody wanting to know intentions and plans or interesting ideas etc, can check out the other blogs.

Why "Knew Year"? Apart from the obvious "being clever" heckle? Well, it's as if we are looking back from a distant date, eg 2030, and we know with the benefit of retrospection, the results of the year. If we manage to realise our potential, individually and collectively, we'll be able to say, "we just didn't know we had it in us". May you have an experience like this, both personally and with others, that uplifts the soul. Be well!

numbers and people

This is a bit of a mixed post. Some things have happened in reality with people, and some ideas have popped into my head with regards to number.

The situation regarding people is of a sort that by talking about it, one just gets caught up in the minutiae, which tests the patience of any reader; and if the experience was not enough to challenge the realities of those involved in person, how on earth with a retelling of it to others achieve anything but reinforce the partisan nature of the reading?

One situation was brought about through our engagement with a person undergoing a mental breakdown. He has been sectioned, and because none of us know him well since he is visiting the country, there are no deep ties to him. He is a lone individual. He is lost, not only in society, but in his own mind. Our community invited him in, offered him warmth and fellowship, but his aggressive behaviour resulted in fracas in three different groups and so he has been cast out of each. If we were a stronger community, we would find some place for him, for sure, but it is not large or expansive enough for that to happen. What the guy needs is engagement with nature, that would cool him down, get him out of his head. Our extended network of contacts didn't result in that.

Another situation involves a person I have got to know over this year. I acknowledged his genius, and this was the basis of our engagement. His observations on humanity are keen, his attention to detail with wording accurate, and he responds often with an attempt to humour people. He's been writing film scripts, with none made yet. I met him drunk, and he's been drunk for around 6 months, since the day I met him. We met mostly to play GO, but in the process, we talked and slowly I impinged upon his reality to the point where he actually stopped drinking. For a month. But this ended yesterday. The pressures of christmas, the family turmoils that still eat him from within, an inability to engage other people in a social situation, contributed to him tipping over the edge into the barrel of alcohol comforts, affording him a numbness to his acute sensitivity to the human condition. He feels the suffering.

I had my part to play in both cases. In the first, I offered my services, but they were not taken up. I am glad, since my service is to confront, and to confront this chap in his poor condition would be very demanding for him for me and for anyone around. The opportunity was scuppered. In the midst of the cold, both community-wise and nature-wise, I invited him into the house for a cup of tea, not to offer anything in the way of psychological therapy but merely to offer a cup of tea and some minutes of calm. This went against some people's express wishes, and it caused them much distress. I apologise for this, since this was not the intention, clearly. When talking about it after the effect, some people expressed their anger violently, physically and emotionally and because the individual in question was not present, the person associated with them became the best target: I have been asked to leave where I live. In fact, the lack of presence is precisely the problem. Such individuals are not present because they are trapped within themselves. Witnessing one's powerlessness in engaging such a trapped individual, is difficult to bear for any of us. Hence, this is the learning experience for any of us, and a real test of community, for any community.

In the second case, I played again a similarly small part. To avoid his falling into the swill again, I asked him to make use of me by calling me when he was experiencing difficulty. This has been successful a few times, but the other day, it didn't work. He turned up, we played GO but then he sat in our living room thus demanding attention from my flatmates, already overburdened with people of strong internal realities. Although accepted at the time, I have been told that he is not to be invited back to the flat, and not the living room. This is reasonable, in its own way, because the living room is also a work space. It is also reasonable, because I have been living here mostly as a guest. Although I contribute to the rent and have my own space, have my name on the lease, I have been living with the intention of going homeless. Later that evening, this individual spent many hours taking out his frustration on me, being overly critical and prejudiced. I don't mind offering help, but not as a punch bag (it's not good for him:) and I made it clear to him I'm happy to play GO and engage him, but not in any work-like capacity.

I am not good at the political thing, not big P not small p. I know there are lots of complex things people create amoungst themselves which makes things harder for everyone concerned. Families are good examples of this, generally. My father disowning my brother is an example, my brother's response being that he didn't care if he saw his father again ever. I stood in the way of both my father's and my brother's reality. To simply state the counter possibilities, keeping things open, can cause a lot of anger in those who have decided through act of will to be harsh to others. Simply holding the space of possibility, I have found, is a tough place, both in family, as well as socially with 2020worldpeace.

It's been a year now, and the results are not impressive. I have one more year, and I do have to risk trying different things. Like Barny inviting me to a comedy night. So, perhaps it is wise that I leave where I live; but having suggested it earlier in the year, no situation has yet arisen. I know the path of homelessness is difficult, and in my present state, I do not know if I will be able to suffer it.

How valuable is it to talk about this? To whom does it benefit? I for one am not happy with what happened or my description of it. I wish I was partisan at least on my side! But I know I am at fault. The conditions, once arisen, taint us all.

Christmas is a difficult time for a lot of people. It brings things up. This is the first time I have had christmas without my family or a partner. I am saddened that I find myself in a situation where my ideals have not found a community willing to rise to the challenges that this presents in everyday day-to-day living. The people I have had the honour of living with for a year have certainly committed to bringing about change in the world. And in no small way. I hope their efforts meet with success in the coming year! I doubt if I shall meet such genius and passion and skills in such a confined space again!

As for numbers... I'll leave that for another post.

pandora

I produced a video a while back, when I was living in Malta entitled virtual or real. A new film is coming out, Avatar, and it fortells a time when we are capable of downloading a consciousness into a grown body, albeit an alien on an alien world called pandora. Actually, the more accurate future projection is that we will download our consciousness into virtually immersed worlds. Millions of people are doing it already, through FB blogs like this, as well as Second Life and gaming realities.

There was also another film this year called pandorium, which I am yet to see.

I am midway through a google tech video entitled science and the taboo of psi by dean radin. If science manages to penetrate the psi mysteries, take it into its fold as it were, we will be existing in quite a different world. The potential repercussions of this way of thinking made me consult Mamading. I wanted to know how he contained/boxed-away the alternative realities, especially the bit where there's a corresponding peak in a reader before an image is actually perceived by the viewer. This falls in my territory, about the substance of mind, and specifically consciousness in time.

I am not prone to mystical thinking. I have thought, however, that if we achieve a global sustainable planet, there may be some kind of shock through time that could be perceived before it happens. Let's say I was sensitive enough to it, and my monkey mind stuck a date of 2020 on it. A lot more people are sticking 2012 on it.

Seriously, I don't think we will enable a global state of consciousness and inter-individual trust sufficient to undergo the transformation required for our institutions by 2012. In fact, by the end of 2010, I am willing to give up on the idea of us enabling it for 2020. If it is to happen, we need some people to stand up and be fully human, to take the stand, to be heroic enough that ages in to the future they shall be singing our praises.

Who's up for it?

So, while I promote the game armagetron and try to get it into schools, I am meditating on this 2020worldpeace possibility. It's not this blog that will attract the right minds, but if there is anything to psi and global field consciousness or some such, then meditation alone is all that is needed. That's my real job, as it were.

This is the kind of thinking that comes out of pandora's box. I am not prone to it, because it interferes with scientific methodology. The current intuition while watching dean's talk is that I will be in a position of knowing how fabricated the notion is. I knew it when I wrote the tome, specifically how fictional events become reality, and more specific yet, how collective ideals become real. I look forward to a time when I am so detached from it that I can play with it as a fantasy, in contrast to others who will be a little too attached to the notion.

There is something very restful in thinking in this direction.

Be well!

your words

XQ posits there is another side to maths, the subjective side. Also, maths is a minimal language. Only recently did a realisation come that was clear and reminded me of what I already know. Words, clearly, have a subjective side.

When speaking, it is not the words we mean, but the words that are heard that matter. Simple as that. It is not what is written but what is read that matters. You can even find this on the back cover of the monolith I first wrote.

But it has been an age, a decade!, and I have been getting it quite wrong. It happens when you work with adults. There is so much confusion, so much attention to words and their meaning, so much misapplied attention, and ego attachment. With kids, one deals with response, and so one's words are not as important as the effect they have.

I think this is why NLP was such an eye-opener too. The subconscious interpretations compiling beyond first focus attention, assembling an effect in the listeners/reader's mind. And how I had spent a lifetime trying to get through to a point, to being direct. I am doing so again. Reverting to type.

So, if algebra is the equivalent of semantics, of manipulation of unknowns, how does this improve my comprehension/engagement with others? Well, the trick is to clarify certain conditions, the omissions and generalities, in order to get to a solution, comprehension, resolution, freedom from mental obscuration, which is what I tend to to -- or, it is to create complex equations such that multiple unknowns resolve in such a way that do not require conscious attention.

My next life, my retirement perhaps, involves reading and writing. Creating such illusions, that I never fall into my own reality, always enjoying the fabrication of others. That is, never to talk unless I am aware that it is in the reality of the listener. I have tended to be frustrated that others do not engage my reality, especially given what I am attempting to draw attention to, ala 2020worldpeace, but once this gig is over by the end of next year, I shall never have to again. Not in any conscious way.

As for for mathematics, I don't this insight into your reading of these words adds any more weight to XQ.